Tight-rope of Glass

Tip-towing every time we meet

Holding my breath , even when I need to breathe

All the time when I see you I contemplate whether to keep or break this fragile relationship.

Whether to greet or avoid you?

Whether to go or stay when given the option?

Whether to cry or smile?

Get angry or be happy?

Every time I feel happy it quickly ends.

Just a like a bird with glass wings

Just like trying to skate on thin ice

Just like trying to builds a tower of cards, when there's a breeze.

So fragile, delicate, and frail.

Every time I see you the question arises

Whether to hold out my hand, or stay wedged against the wall?

Whether to knock on the door or run away?

Whether to smile in excitement or scream in frustration?

Just like trying to fly with glass wings

Just like trying to walk on cracked ice

I'm happy to hear your voice

I'm scared to hear your voice

Trying to smile

Attempting to keep my composure.

Is it normal?

Is this average?

Papa, Grandma, Uncle?

What are you?

Are we family, friends, or just acquaintances?

Do you even know of my existence?

Am I even here to you?

Talking to you is like suffocating

It's painful

So painful

Please, just a little longer

Please don't abandon it yet

Whether to break this little connection we have?

Whether to continue standing on this unstable pedestal?

Whether I should attempt to escape, again?

What should I do with this?!

This rage!

This sorrow!

This happiness!

This utter despair...

I love you?

I hate you?

I don't know what to say.

Should I greet you?

Should I even try to meet you?

Where would this lead?

It hurts so much

Just a bit more

Just a little bit more

Just let me be happy a bit more.

So dizzying.

So confusing.

Feels like wings being ripped off.

Like falling through ice

Like standing on top of a house of cards.

This is like walking across a tight-rope of glass, as thin as thread.